Why Men Date Women With No Intentions Of A Relationship
By Dr. J
2011-MAR 15 – I’m convinced that the tragedy for women and relationships is not that they can’t find a date. Instead, the problem is the pseudo relationships they participate in sometimes years at a time. Nod your head in agreement if you have a friend who has been in a pseudo relationship with a man for a few years and there’s no sight of a title coming her way. She has an on-again, off-again relationship with a guy, and everyone but her knows he’s never going to wife her down. There might even be a few of you reading this article right now.
I could give you a list of reasons why men don’t commit, and you’d probably say I was lying or just telling you what you wanted to hear. But why not just tell you why I did it? Let me be clear, I’m not a jerk, but I’m a man who has the right to date a woman and choose not to be in a relationship with her.
I was previously in an unhealthy relationship that left me bitter for a while; so I wasn’t looking for anything serious. After a while, my friends told me, “We don’t even think you really like women anymore.”
I can’t have that! So I started dating again…
She was okay, I didn’t like her as much as she liked me. I probably wouldn’t be dating her if other situations in my life had worked out. That’s sign number one; I wouldn’t call her my first choice. But she would do for the time being. While I dated her, I got what men like to call a sense of security. Men will date a chick and consider her home base. In my mind, I had someone I was dating so I was able to take more risks to meet and date women who might have been out of my league. But, if all else fails, I had her to fall back on.
She was a nice girl, but something about her told me that I wouldn’t want her to be my girlfriend. She just didn’t have “it,” which is sign number two. No man can really define “it,” but they know it when they see it. She was good looking, she was well-mannered, she wasn’t crazy, she was a lot of fun, but at the end of the day she didn’t have it. I think my definition of “it” is, the power to make me stop looking for other options. I was convinced that I could do better.
The funny thing was, I was meeting and going out with other women, but none of them were making the time or putting in the effort like this girl. It was odd that I decided to chase a couple other women around, when I had a girl who wasn’t trying to give me the run around. But it made perfect sense to me.
1) She put absolutely no pressure on me to wife her down.
2) She asked me very few questions about things I did in our time apart.
3) She was very pleasant and always down to have a good time.
4) She was freaking reliable and dependable.
And here’s why it made perfect sense; she did all this because she didn’t want me to think she was crazy or possessive. Her goal was to get a man to be with her. She allowed herself to be in this situation because it was better than nothing at all. The worst part of it is I knew that. One of her friends probably told her, “If you start pressuring him or being annoying, he’s never going to wife you down.” They most likely told her that as soon as she started trying to hold me accountable for things like last minute cancellations or disappearing acts, I would likely stop calling.
Eventually, I told her I thought we should stop seeing each other because, although I liked her, I just didn’t think she would ever be my girl. I thought that she was looking for a relationship, and she was also too good of a girl to be chasing after me. She respected that and we remain friends now. Only reason I wrote this is because somebody needs to hear it from a man. Every day and every week I’m hearing another story about some woman trying to analyze the actions of the man she’s dating, who won’t take things to the next level. Most times, it’s because he has no intentions of taking it to the next level. He’s not different, scorned, or scared; he’s just not trying to do it, and you’re not requiring that he does.