Author Daisy Roberts – She Takes You to the Edge®

Posts tagged ‘relationships’

The Problem Men Have With an Independent Woman

2011-MAR 19 – Anthony C. Rucker
I’m independent . . . Independence means I don’t need anybody for anything. As said in a great movie, “Why don’t you wake up and smell what you’re shoveling?”
Bill Gates, rich man that he is, still needs Charmin to make toilet paper and Ma Bell for phone service. Independence for him means having the ability to pay for it himself, which is all this new found independence everybody is claiming means, I now have money and means. It doesn’t mean you don’t need others, or that they are only good for one thing. Participate in a quick experiment to prove my point. Get a $100 dollar bill, then ask it to keep you company, to talk to you about your problems, to share a special moment with you, to plant your vegetables, to sew your clothes, and to fix your car. You get the point. It doesn’t matter how much money you have, if there isn’t another person involved it’s totally useless. We need each other on so many levels. Even master card recognizes there are some things money can’t buy. . ., and the sooner you get that fact straight, the sooner you can have healthy relationships.
Words are power and what you speak from your mouth will most likely manifest in your life. If you say the opposite sex is only good for one thing then chances are that’s all you’ll receive from them, which will leave you emotionally unbalanced with an emptiness you can’t explain. So when you say, “They are only good for one thing,” or “They can’t do anything for you,” take time to remember that’s all you’ve expected and allowed them to be in your life.
Refusing help or courtesy doesn’t make you independent; in most cases it makes you a hypocrite. If there was a contest where you could win free food for life everybody would play it like the lottery (another game where everyone wants something for nothing).
Contest giveaways whether for movie tickets, money, or vacations are viewed as possibilities to get ahead, be blessed, or get lucky, but when a person offers the same services all of a sudden you’re an independent super human who doesn’t need or desire anything from anybody. Enough already! Put your misconceptions and bad attitudes back in the pretty boxes they came in, take them back to where you got them, and get a refund. Quit lying to yourself and everybody else. Besides, independence is something that is better seen than heard.

Brought to you by Anthony C. Rucker author of (The Relationship Cookbook)
http://dmvblacksingles.com/datingsite/wordpress/?p=177

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WHY MEN DATE WOMEN WITH NO INTENTIONS OF A RELATIONSHIP

Why Men Date Women With No Intentions Of A Relationship
By Dr. J

2011-MAR 15 – I’m convinced that the tragedy for women and relationships is not that they can’t find a date. Instead, the problem is the pseudo relationships they participate in sometimes years at a time. Nod your head in agreement if you have a friend who has been in a pseudo relationship with a man for a few years and there’s no sight of a title coming her way. She has an on-again, off-again relationship with a guy, and everyone but her knows he’s never going to wife her down. There might even be a few of you reading this article right now.
I could give you a list of reasons why men don’t commit, and you’d probably say I was lying or just telling you what you wanted to hear. But why not just tell you why I did it? Let me be clear, I’m not a jerk, but I’m a man who has the right to date a woman and choose not to be in a relationship with her.

I was previously in an unhealthy relationship that left me bitter for a while; so I wasn’t looking for anything serious. After a while, my friends told me, “We don’t even think you really like women anymore.”

I can’t have that! So I started dating again…

She was okay, I didn’t like her as much as she liked me. I probably wouldn’t be dating her if other situations in my life had worked out. That’s sign number one; I wouldn’t call her my first choice. But she would do for the time being. While I dated her, I got what men like to call a sense of security. Men will date a chick and consider her home base. In my mind, I had someone I was dating so I was able to take more risks to meet and date women who might have been out of my league. But, if all else fails, I had her to fall back on.

She was a nice girl, but something about her told me that I wouldn’t want her to be my girlfriend. She just didn’t have “it,” which is sign number two. No man can really define “it,” but they know it when they see it. She was good looking, she was well-mannered, she wasn’t crazy, she was a lot of fun, but at the end of the day she didn’t have it. I think my definition of “it” is, the power to make me stop looking for other options. I was convinced that I could do better.

The funny thing was, I was meeting and going out with other women, but none of them were making the time or putting in the effort like this girl. It was odd that I decided to chase a couple other women around, when I had a girl who wasn’t trying to give me the run around. But it made perfect sense to me.

1) She put absolutely no pressure on me to wife her down.

2) She asked me very few questions about things I did in our time apart.
3) She was very pleasant and always down to have a good time.
4) She was freaking reliable and dependable.
And here’s why it made perfect sense; she did all this because she didn’t want me to think she was crazy or possessive. Her goal was to get a man to be with her. She allowed herself to be in this situation because it was better than nothing at all. The worst part of it is I knew that. One of her friends probably told her, “If you start pressuring him or being annoying, he’s never going to wife you down.” They most likely told her that as soon as she started trying to hold me accountable for things like last minute cancellations or disappearing acts, I would likely stop calling.

Eventually, I told her I thought we should stop seeing each other because, although I liked her, I just didn’t think she would ever be my girl. I thought that she was looking for a relationship, and she was also too good of a girl to be chasing after me. She respected that and we remain friends now. Only reason I wrote this is because somebody needs to hear it from a man. Every day and every week I’m hearing another story about some woman trying to analyze the actions of the man she’s dating, who won’t take things to the next level. Most times, it’s because he has no intentions of taking it to the next level. He’s not different, scorned, or scared; he’s just not trying to do it, and you’re not requiring that he does.

New Year’s Resolutions You Should Have Made

‘Love Analytix,’ a column all about approaching love with logic over emotion, reviewed the past year and saw there were a lot of lessons about love and relationships to embrace and learn. Now that we are a couple of weeks into the new year, people aren’t just making, but breaking New Year’s resolutions. So, including a few resolutions that help deal with love and relationships may not be a bad idea.

Considering everyone is all about self improvement early in the year — male or female, single or involved, searching or content — these are the top 10 resolutions that we hope can turn into commitments regarding love in the New Year.

10. Stop Living In the Past
Your ex-wife cheated seven years ago, or maybe that guy left you with a baby 16 years ago – don’t let the past rob you of your present. It’s time to change your perception and accept the situation so you can move forward. Living in the past will always cloud the promise of a brighter future.

9. Understand and Respect Differences
Men and women are not the same, and never be. The things that makes us different are the same things that attract us to one another. So respect each other even when you don’t understand each other. No one said love would be easy.

8. You Are What You Attract
If you don’t’ understand why you date loser after loser, or gold digger after gold digger, stop all the blaming and realize you’re giving off a certain energy to have those types flock to you. When you carry yourself in a way that shows what you won’t accept, the type of person you really want will begin to come your way.

7. Take Your Time
Finding love, falling in love, or maintaining love – all require patience. Don’t rush love whether your searching for it, or if you feel you’ve already found it. Time was invented so everything doesn’t happen all at once.

6. Forget About Potential
Don’t concern yourself with a person who likes to tell you what they are “about to do.” Look for those who are truly doing something. Loving someone because you can potentially see them as your dream guy or girl, only makes you tolerate what you hope will change. Those very same things you “tolerated,” will later be the things you possibly resent, but ultimately have to accept.

5. Learn How To Communicate
Females have a tendency not to say what they mean, and the fellas usually don’t say enough. Often, couples and daters have to learn how to fight through these barriers of communication in order to build a foundation that will last. If you want to be about it, you must talk about it.

4. Learn When To Let Go
When things get bad and the pros no longer outweigh the cons, don’t hold on. Especially if it’s just because you don’t want to be by yourself, or if you feel too much time has been invested. So what?! Holding onto someone that isn’t for you is imprisoning yourself, and not giving you a chance to find the love you deserve.

3. Put In Work
Nothing worth it comes easy, and relationships are no exception. The the things you do in the beginning of a relationship when it’s sunshine and rainbows, has to be the same things you do to maintain it. If you are not willing to put in work to sustain a relationship, you will never have a fulfilling one.

2. Love Is Never Enough
Tina Turner said it best, “What’s love gotta to do with it?” Ultimately finding and being in love isn’t just about love. Respect, trust, sacrifice, compromise, timing — the list goes on. If you’re in love, or you want love, remember love is an action word, not a feeling.

1. Love Yourself
Whether you’re in or out of a relationship, know you won’t ever truly be able to love someone else until you learn how to love everything about yourself. Superficial happiness is found in someone else, real happiness is found within you.

This article was written by Shirea L. Carroll is a journalist who has written for Essence, VIBE, Washington Post’s TheRoot.com, XXL’s Juicy, and AOL. Reporting on everything from music and entertainment to celebrity and love, she has interviewed some of today’s biggest celebrity names. Find the NJ native on her blog Invite Only, or follow her on Twitter @InviteOnly to find out “who is and isn’t invited.”

Friends With Benefits…Can We Really Keep Our Emotions Out of It?

 

2011-JAN 04 – Relationships are becoming more & more obsolete because intimacy is the main focus for many people. Friends with Benefits or a “Jump Off” is not an actual relationship, but more of a lustful romance with no strings attached. Men love these types of flings, but what about us women? Can we really handle being intimate with someone on a regular basis without developing serious feelings? Well, I know plenty of women who are able to maintain a clear mind and know that it’s just “Benefits,” but others get wrapped inside of the act of making love and begin to fall in love. Is falling in love a bad thing? It is if you’re the one who is doing the falling and it is not reciprocated because this is a risky relationship and an easy line to cross. So ladies if you’re going to engage in a “Friends with Benefits” type of guy, ensure that both of you understand how these types of relationships work. IT IS STRICTLY SEXUAL. Be sure that this is what you truly want, and make sure the “good getting” is on your time and terms, not his!

What are your thoughts? Would you have a friend with benefits? What if your friend has another friend with benefits, would you mind? Please share your thoughts and comments with me here.

Here’s To Good Nookie in 2011!

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