Author Daisy Roberts – She Takes You to the Edge®

Posts tagged ‘sex’

7 Healthy Reasons to Have Sex (Right Now!)

7 Healthy Reasons to Have Sex (Right Now!) By Madeline Vann, MPHPat F. Bass III, MD, MPH

As if the big “O” wasn’t reason enough to get busy, sex has many other benefits that just might surprise you.

Want to clear your complexion, boost your mood, and cut your risk of cancer, heart disease, and other health hazards? No, the answer isn’t in a magic pill — it’s between your sheets. That’s right — a little lovin’ can boost your overall health in many surprising ways.

“There have been lots of studies describing the health benefits of sex,” says licensed sex therapist and sexuality educator Sandra L. Caron, PhD, professor of family relations and human sexuality at the University of Maine’s College of Education and Human Development in Orono. “Most of them relate to achieving orgasm. Nobody says you have to be with someone to do that.”

That’s an intriguing sex tip for people who do not have a committed partner — self-pleasuring can offer sex benefits, especially those specifically related to having a good orgasm.

So, whether you’re coupled up or flying solo, check out this list of healthy side effects of sex:

1.Improved heart health. Just like any physical activity, healthy sex is good for your heart. Several studies have found that your risk of dying from a heart disease event such as stroke or heart attack goes down as the frequency of your good orgasms increase over time. And for those that worry that the exertion involved in sex is a threat to the heart, analyses show that the most sexually intense moments (assuming you aren’t unusually vigorous in your activities) place about the same demand on your heart as walking 4 to 6 miles an hour. Of course, it helps your heart and your sex life overall to stay in shape.

2.Sweet pain relief. Just looking at your partner (or even a photo of your partner) can help ease pain. When anesthesiologists showed people taking part in a study photos of their romantic partners or photos of attractive strangers, or asked them to engage in a word game, they found that looking at romantic partners significantly dulled the experience of pain. So even though you might think pain is a barrier to sex, consider this one sex benefit worth the time and effort: take a moment to really look at your lover. Other studies have found that women may get some relief from menstrual cramps through a good orgasm.
3.Less stress. Healthy sex offers the same soothing effects of sugary comfort foods when it comes to reducing stress. Researchers theorize that this stress reduction occurs because the pleasure pathways of the brain are triggered by sex (just as they are, for some, by sweet treats) — and it looks like this effect is a little bit more lasting than we often think.
4.Cancer prevention. Research has suggested that men may reduce their risk of prostate cancer proportionately to their good orgasms and the stimulation of their testicles. While more research is needed, this would certainly be a welcome sex benefit.
5.Better sleep. Although experts are not sure exactly why sex works to improve sleep, there appears to be some evidence that it does. So don’t be too surprised if you and your partner doze off shortly after a satisfying sexcapade — and wake up feeling refreshed!
6.Better mood. It’s no wonder you’ve got a more positive outlook post-sex: There are biochemical rationales for experiencing improved mood as a sex benefit, from the neurotransmitters that may be released during healthy sex to the mood enhancers contained in semen itself. “And”, adds Caron, “there’s a lot to be said simply for the mood-boosting effect of having a nice connection with somebody that you trust and care about.”
7.Glowing skin. That fabled ‘morning-after’ glow? It’s not just your imagination: You really do look better after having sex. “Sex even helps you look younger,” says Caron. That glow can be attributed to a combination of stress relief, better mood, and the flush of blood under your skin that’s a natural part of the arousal process.
Enjoying a healthy sex life is one of the great joys in life. Knowing intimacy could be a boon for your long-term health as well makes it that much more pleasurable.

How to ‘Talk Dirty to Me’ without awkwardness

2011-MAR 16
By Erica Andrist
I’m a rhetoric major. I like words. I especially like them in bed. But the rhetoric that goes best in the bedroom isn’t along the lines of Derrida — I’m talking about dirty talk.

Trouble is, dirty talk can be kind of hard. It’s awkward to just blurt out, “Baby, your sweet ass makes me so hard I could cum right now,” mid-makeout session. But it can be equally awkward to ask, “Hey, would you like it if I said, ‘Baby, your sweet ass makes me so hard I could cum right now,’ mid-makeout session?” over, like, pizza or something. So what’s a would-be dirty talker to do?

Question 1: How do I get started?

Even though “dirty talk” has the word “talk” in it, communicating with a partner about it can be difficult. There are two good options for initiating dirty talk: outside the bedroom or inside. First, outside the bedroom is a lower-pressure situation. Broach the topic in a direct, but broad manner: “I think the sex we have is totally awesome, but I’ve been thinking I’d really like to try some dirty talk.” Since “some dirty talk” could encompass any number of things, if your partner has any interest whatsoever, he or she will probably ask you to elaborate — thereby giving you a perfect window to explain what you had in mind. If your partner is not interested, he or she might say, “I probably wouldn’t like that,” but since you weren’t in the bedroom, no mood was killed and no potential fuck was ruined.

However, it also works to introduce dirty talk inside the bedroom. If you’re having a one-night stand, this is pretty much your only shot. Additionally, you and your partner are probably already turned on, and turned-on people tend to be more receptive to new things. One method to try is asking your partner, “What do you want me to do to you?” Not only is this a great way to make sure what you’re doing is consensual, but your partner’s answer can also be a good gauge of how he or she will respond to dirty talk. If he or she says, “I’d like you to straddle me and fuck me ‘till I can’t see straight, please,” then it’s probably OK to just go ahead and say whatever you want. But even if your partner’s response isn’t quite so forward, pay attention to the words he or she uses. If she uses the word “penis,” then incorporate the word “penis” into whatever you say — not “cock,” not “dick,” and please, not “wiener.” If he says “ass,” then use “ass” — not “asshole,” not “anus,” and not “butt.”

Start slow. If you’re talking dirty to a partner you’ve never dirty-talked to before, don’t pull out the big guns right away. Throw in one word: “wet.” If your partner seems to respond well, throw in another: “hot and wet.” Pay attention — does your partner eagerly respond? Moan? Smile? Throw in another: “I want you to put your face between my legs and taste how hot and wet you made my sweet-spot power-slot.”

This, of course, is an ideal scenario. But maybe after you say, “Taste how hot and wet you made my sweet-spot power-slot,” your partner rears back, wide-eyed, but close-mouthed. This brings us to question No. 2…

Question 2: What if my partner thinks I’m a freak?

Sometimes, even if we’re perfectly polite about our sexual desires, our partners don’t respond well. Rejection hurts. On the one hand, we’ve got to recognize that not everybody will be into every sex activity, and that’s fine. Respecting our partners’ boundaries (and making sure our partners respect our own) is an important part of healthy sex. But if your cute new partner stares at you slack-jawed and says, “I didn’t think you were into stuff like that,” things can get santorum-sticky awfully fast.

Two options. No. 1 is to continue to negotiate. There are a whole lot of words and phrases that can be incorporated into dirty talk, and odds are really, really good that you can find something that works for everyone. If she’s not okay with “tits,” perhaps she’ll like “breasts.” Perhaps he’ll be comfortable so long as there aren’t any commands involved. As with many sexual activities, exploration (and sometimes straight-up trial and error) can teach us things about ourselves that we never would have expected.

No. 2: If you are interested in talking dirty and your partner absolutely refuses to negotiate, think about finding another partner. Our partners have no obligation to engage in sexual activities they don’t want to try for the sole purpose of making us happy — but we also have no obligation to remain with a partner who isn’t interested in the same things we’re interested in.

Question 3: What the fuck am I gonna say?

If the initiation of dirty talk goes well, then the next issue that comes up is, well, what to say. There are a number of useful methods for making your dirty talk sound sexy. The first is to practice. I am not joking. A really good way to practice is while masturbating. Start by just thinking about things you might say. After you find some words or phrases that really turn you on, say them out loud. One of the biggest secrets of successful dirty talk is that half of doing it well isn’t what you say — it’s how you say it. Smooth and self-assured sounds better than hesitant and nervous, no matter what is coming out of your mouth.

Related to this is to choose words that you think are hot and feel comfortable saying. If you don’t like “pussy,” then it’s going to be difficult to make yourself sound sexy saying it. Again, there are a whole lot of words and phrases out there, and some of them are bound to turn you on. Finding those words can be really, really fun — watch porn. Read erotica. Ask your partner what words turn her or him on, and see if any of them tickle your fancy.

Finally, remember that sex is at its core a hilarious activity — naked bodies thrusting together with all sorts of various fluids and sounds and awkward facial expressions. Sometimes, even the most experienced dirty talkers mess up. Once, a person who may or may not have been me (it was me) attempted to say, “Let me suck your cock,” but then decided to say “dick” at the last second, thereby busting out with, “Let me sick your duck.”

Yeah. What can a rhetoric degree do for you?

Erica Andrist is a senior facilitator with Sex Out Loud. If you’d like to see your question answered in a future Hump Day column if only because it would make Erica happy, e-mail


Why Men Date Women With No Intentions Of A Relationship
By Dr. J

2011-MAR 15 – I’m convinced that the tragedy for women and relationships is not that they can’t find a date. Instead, the problem is the pseudo relationships they participate in sometimes years at a time. Nod your head in agreement if you have a friend who has been in a pseudo relationship with a man for a few years and there’s no sight of a title coming her way. She has an on-again, off-again relationship with a guy, and everyone but her knows he’s never going to wife her down. There might even be a few of you reading this article right now.
I could give you a list of reasons why men don’t commit, and you’d probably say I was lying or just telling you what you wanted to hear. But why not just tell you why I did it? Let me be clear, I’m not a jerk, but I’m a man who has the right to date a woman and choose not to be in a relationship with her.

I was previously in an unhealthy relationship that left me bitter for a while; so I wasn’t looking for anything serious. After a while, my friends told me, “We don’t even think you really like women anymore.”

I can’t have that! So I started dating again…

She was okay, I didn’t like her as much as she liked me. I probably wouldn’t be dating her if other situations in my life had worked out. That’s sign number one; I wouldn’t call her my first choice. But she would do for the time being. While I dated her, I got what men like to call a sense of security. Men will date a chick and consider her home base. In my mind, I had someone I was dating so I was able to take more risks to meet and date women who might have been out of my league. But, if all else fails, I had her to fall back on.

She was a nice girl, but something about her told me that I wouldn’t want her to be my girlfriend. She just didn’t have “it,” which is sign number two. No man can really define “it,” but they know it when they see it. She was good looking, she was well-mannered, she wasn’t crazy, she was a lot of fun, but at the end of the day she didn’t have it. I think my definition of “it” is, the power to make me stop looking for other options. I was convinced that I could do better.

The funny thing was, I was meeting and going out with other women, but none of them were making the time or putting in the effort like this girl. It was odd that I decided to chase a couple other women around, when I had a girl who wasn’t trying to give me the run around. But it made perfect sense to me.

1) She put absolutely no pressure on me to wife her down.

2) She asked me very few questions about things I did in our time apart.
3) She was very pleasant and always down to have a good time.
4) She was freaking reliable and dependable.
And here’s why it made perfect sense; she did all this because she didn’t want me to think she was crazy or possessive. Her goal was to get a man to be with her. She allowed herself to be in this situation because it was better than nothing at all. The worst part of it is I knew that. One of her friends probably told her, “If you start pressuring him or being annoying, he’s never going to wife you down.” They most likely told her that as soon as she started trying to hold me accountable for things like last minute cancellations or disappearing acts, I would likely stop calling.

Eventually, I told her I thought we should stop seeing each other because, although I liked her, I just didn’t think she would ever be my girl. I thought that she was looking for a relationship, and she was also too good of a girl to be chasing after me. She respected that and we remain friends now. Only reason I wrote this is because somebody needs to hear it from a man. Every day and every week I’m hearing another story about some woman trying to analyze the actions of the man she’s dating, who won’t take things to the next level. Most times, it’s because he has no intentions of taking it to the next level. He’s not different, scorned, or scared; he’s just not trying to do it, and you’re not requiring that he does.

Friends With Benefits…Can We Really Keep Our Emotions Out of It?


2011-JAN 04 – Relationships are becoming more & more obsolete because intimacy is the main focus for many people. Friends with Benefits or a “Jump Off” is not an actual relationship, but more of a lustful romance with no strings attached. Men love these types of flings, but what about us women? Can we really handle being intimate with someone on a regular basis without developing serious feelings? Well, I know plenty of women who are able to maintain a clear mind and know that it’s just “Benefits,” but others get wrapped inside of the act of making love and begin to fall in love. Is falling in love a bad thing? It is if you’re the one who is doing the falling and it is not reciprocated because this is a risky relationship and an easy line to cross. So ladies if you’re going to engage in a “Friends with Benefits” type of guy, ensure that both of you understand how these types of relationships work. IT IS STRICTLY SEXUAL. Be sure that this is what you truly want, and make sure the “good getting” is on your time and terms, not his!

What are your thoughts? Would you have a friend with benefits? What if your friend has another friend with benefits, would you mind? Please share your thoughts and comments with me here.

Here’s To Good Nookie in 2011!

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